What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
