oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
