you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
