hotel room ftw
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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