Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
