When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
