Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
