Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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