We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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