apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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