i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
