sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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