The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
