I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
