That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
