I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
