that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
