Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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