it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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