i would punch a child for taco bell
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
