their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
