puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
