I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
