Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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