were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
