Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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