its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
