if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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