i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
