Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
