I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
