My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Randomize
