And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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