hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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