why didn't you poke me back
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I love having hate sex.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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