I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
