i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
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