Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
