Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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