he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
