Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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