maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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