Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
MIDGETS
????
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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