It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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