Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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