All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
