You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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