There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
