we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
