I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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