If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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