he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
They left me at home... I'm a liability
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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