I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
