the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
