I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
