I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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